Why Isn’t This Over Now

Words and Music by Todd Porter 
(c) 2022 Todd Porter. All rights reserved.

Why isn’t this over now?
Need fifteen more years
To sulk and to pout?
Just let it all go,
stop reliving the past
And it would all be over now.

Why isn’t this over now?
How long will you punish
Everyone around?
Forgive and forget
And stop dragging it out
And it would be over now.

I’m not holding on;
it is holding on to me.
It’s not more forgiveness
but healing I need.
My heart is destroyed
But continues to beat
It longs to be whole and free.

Why isn’t this over now?
Because it gains strength
When it comes back around
It’s like we learned nothing
But how to tune out
So it can’t be over now.

I’m not holding on;
it is holding on to me.
It’s not more forgiveness
but healing I need.
My heart is destroyed
But continues to beat
It longs to be the whole and free.

I’d like to stop hurting
(Stop the hurting)
I’d like to start living
I’d rather be growing
(Start the building)
I’d rather be building
The life that we’re wanting
(We can make it)
Is here if we make it
Let’s stir up the courage
(If we face it)
We need to be facing the darkness

Why isn’t this over now?
If I knew the answer
I’d say it out loud.
But I won’t give up
Till we figure it out
So it can be over now.

The collapse of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge is an engineering school staple, illustrating how sometimes things that work on paper behave differently in reality. There are a few reference videos linked at the end of this post, but the short version is that the wind set up an oscillation in the suspension bridge that caused it to rise and fall, bend and twist, until it destroyed itself. 

Sometimes I wonder if the same thing is happening to me, my mind and heart achieving some resonance, oscillating between hope and despair, in a way that feels unstable. So here’s an attempt to find a song in all that. 

Tacoma Narrows

Words and music by Todd Porter
(c) 2022 Todd Porter. All rights reserved.

All it takes is air
     To set it in motion
35 miles an hour 
     a really strong breeze
Blowing through all the cables 
     and over the decking
The graceful suspension bridge
      starting to sing. 

The guys with the slide-rules watch the
    waves in the pavement
They crunch all the numbers
     and run all the tests
The fixes they think of
     need time for the making
More time than passes
     before the end

It waves and waves and waves
It falls and falls and falls
It sings and sings and sings
And it’s voice is louder
     than the pavement can stand

A lone car remains 
     Half-way to the shoreline.
It’s driver is stumbling 
     Each wave of the deck.
Tubby the dog bites his
     would-be rescuers
And rides in the car
      right over the edge

It waves and it waves and it waves
It falls and it falls and it falls
It sings and it sings and it sings
And it’s voice is louder
      than the pavement can stand. 

Less than two hundred feet
       under the surface
The rebar and concrete 
     are home to a reef
Unstoppable life
     growing out of destruction
If only that life
     found expression in me

It doesn’t take much
    to make us unstable,
The good and the bad 
     and our resonant hearts.

The rising and falling and
     twisting and breaking 
Destroy us and heal us
     and change who we are. 

So let’s be
Brave
Let’s be
Strong
So we’ll be
Free
On the other side 
     of all we can’t comprehend.

I hear the song of life
Calling me day and night
Inviting my voice to join
In all that is being restored

      

References:

https://youtu.be/fHsLlTPpqeg
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tacoma_Narrows_Bridge_(1940)

https://wsdot.wa.gov/TNBhistory/tubby-trivia.htm

There is a cause-and-effect relationship between the stories we tell ourselves and our our experience of reality (the stories we live). We create stories to explain our experience, often based only on our own observations and reactions. These stories, once in place, influence what we subsequently observe, filtering new data through the lens of the story. Leading to what we call “confirmation bias.” This is a strategy for meaning-making that we humans use all the time. It’s a strategy that serves us so well that we often forget we’re doing it. That’s when the trouble starts.  Mindlessly accepting the first story we tell (which is often the most damaging, frightful version we can imagine) leads us to live out that story. If I tell myself a story about how my ideas are always rejected, I begin to see every critique or resistance as rejection.  I’ll anticipate that rejection and begin avoiding sharing new ideas because I expect them to be rejected, and thus produce the same result regardless of what’s actually happening. I’ll reject them myself before somebody else does and, in doing so, create the reality in which my ideas don’t matter to me or to anyone else.  That’s what I mean when I say, “the stories we tell are the stories we live.” What stories are you telling? What stories are you living? What story do you _want_ to be living? What story could you be telling that might lead you there? [image description: a dark blue square with light blue arrows forming a circle. In the top right is the text, “the story we tell”, and in the bottom left is the text, “the story we live”. In the center of the circle is the t question, “will you choose a virtuous cycle or a vicious one?”]
There is a cause-and-effect relationship between the stories we tell ourselves and our experience of reality (the stories we live). We create stories to explain our experience, often based only on our own observations and reactions. These stories, once in place, influence what we subsequently observe, filtering new data through the lens of the story. Leading to what we call “confirmation bias.”

This is a strategy for meaning-making that we humans use all the time. It’s a strategy that serves us so well that we often forget we’re doing it. That’s when the trouble starts. 

Mindlessly accepting the first story we tell (which is often the most damaging, frightful version we can imagine) leads us to live out that story. If I tell myself a story about how my ideas are always rejected, I begin to see every critique or resistance as rejection. 

I’ll anticipate that rejection and begin avoiding sharing new ideas because I expect them to be rejected, and thus produce the same result regardless of what’s actually happening. I’ll reject them myself before somebody else does and, in doing so, create the reality in which my ideas don’t matter to me or to anyone else. 

That’s what I mean when I say, “the stories we tell are the stories we live.” What stories are you telling? What stories are you living? What story do you _want_ to be living? What story could you be telling that might lead you there?

[image description: a dark blue square with light blue arrows forming a circle. In the top right is the text, “the story we tell”, and in the bottom left is the text, “the story we live”. In the center of the circle is the t question, “will you choose a virtuous cycle or a vicious one?”]

Image with textbook ”I Have a Story” on a picture of hand-written “once upon a time”

I Have a Story

Words & Music by Todd Porter

(c) 2022 Todd Porter  All rights reserved.

click here to listen to a recording hosted on SoundCloud


I have a story

That everyone I befriend

Goes away in the end

Hurting and sorry.


I have a story

That knowing me has to lead

To lots of heartache and grief

For anyone in my reach.


And though I know that this story’s not real

Knowing won’t keep me from feeling


That I’m stuck in a tale in which

I am the villain

I’m grasping for hope of

Escaping this prison

The more that I try

The harder it is to see…


That I have a story

Where all the things I believe,

Impractical and naive,

Are leaving me empty.


I have a story

Where trying to meet my own needs

ruins most everything

And still leaves me wanting


And though I know that this story’s not real

Knowing won’t keep me from feeling

  

That I’m stuck in a tale in which

I am the villain

I’m grasping for hope of

Escaping this prison

The more that I try

The harder it is to see…


If making it better’s just making it worse?

If moving things forward gets stuck in reverse?

If asking for help is just making me helpless?

If longing to live is just selfish and reckless?


I’m stuck in a tale in which

I am the villain

I’m grasping for hope of

Escaping this prison

The more that I try

The harder it is to see…


I have a story

Where everyone is alive

And with joy we all thrive

Sharing and loving


I have a story

Where we give and receive

And we have all we need

To overflowing


Deep down I that know this story is real

It’s ours for the living if only we heal


We can live in a tale 

Where there is no villain

Where sharing our Hope

Leads to everyone living

We’ll find enough love for

All of our hearts to see


That the story we live 

is the story we tell

Is the story we live

Is the story we tell…



You Matter



Words & Music by Todd Porter

(c) 2022 Todd Porter  all rights reserved.

click here to listen to a recording hosted on SoundCloud






Whatever the day holds

You matter

Whatever the night brings

You matter

 

Whenever the tears fall

You matter

Whenever the wild calls

You matter


Regardless of the happenings,

In celebrating everything,

In dark so deep no eye can see,

In light so bright your heart takes wing

In life and death and in between

You matter. 


Wherever your path leads

You matter

Wherever heart flees

You matter


However you got here

You matter

However the path clears

You matter. 


Regardless of the happenings,

In celebrating everything,

In dark so deep no eye can see,

In light so bright your heart takes wing

In life and death and in between

You matter. 


Whomever your heart loves

You matter

Whomever you become

You matter


Whyever you came this way

You matter

Whether you go or stay

You matter.


Regardless of the happenings,

In celebrating everything,

In dark so deep no eye can see,

In light so bright your heart takes wing

In life and death and in between

You matter. 

      

We did a “get to know you” activity at church a while back (2005??) where several people assembled a “soundtrack of my life” CD (used to be a thing…. keep your old-people jokes to yourself.). Think of it as an autobiographical mix-tape (yeah, that’s right, I’ve made those, too). That sounded like a fun thing to do, but every time I tried to put one together, I came up blank. 

What follows is a combination of songs that are meaningful to me in some way. Some have stories associated with them. Others represent periods of my life and were actually playing on the radio during some season. Yet others have words that speak to some deep place in me, make sense of an experience, describe a reality, express some emotion. 

Back when everyone else was doing this, we were limited by the number of songs that would fit on a CD-ROM. That’s not a constraint these days, so this list is a bit bloated. It looks like it’s up to almost 4 hours long. The liner notes were a crucial part of the exercise, but I think I’ll just add them a little at a time.

And now, from the “better late than never” department, here’s Todd’s infinite playlist:

Windmills of Your Mind (Remastered Album Version)

Noel Harrison
Alan Bergman, Marilyn Bergman & Michel Jean Legrand
Life Is A Dream

This was my first favorite song.  I first heard it on the Oklahoma City “easy listening” radio station and once called them to request it.  They had a hard time with that because a) there weren’t may pre-teen boys calling them to request songs, and b) they didn’t actually have DJs selecting the music, just a program director who apparently wasn’t interested in listener requests.
Alan and Marilyn Bergman’s lyric for the “Theme from The Thomas Crown Affair” (A. Bergman, M. Bergman, & Legrand, 1968) starts like this:
     “Round, like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel,
             Never ending or beginning on an ever-spinning reel,”
The song goes on with metaphors of snowballs, carousels, clocks, planets, tunnels, caverns, doors, ripples, and more, all on the way to saying something about the memory of lost love.  By the time the song finally gets to its point, the listener is so lost in the spinning litany of metaphors that the point comes and goes without being noticed.  That is also the genius of the song, because that feeling of “lostness” is exactly its point.
When I heard it as a child, I didn’t understand it, I just liked the insistence of the melody and the way everything in it spins.  Reflecting on it now with more than thirty years passed since my first hearing of it, I realize that part of the appeal of this song is that it reflects my thought process, with its many nested spinning metaphors and confuse me and anyone else who makes the unfortunate mistake of asking, “what are you thinking about?”.

   

Up, Up and Away (Remastered 1997)

The 5th Dimension
Jim Webb
The Ultimate 5th Dimension

I remember hearing this song on the radio in Seminole, Oklahoma. It sounded adventurous. As I listen to it now, it sounds happy and reminds me of my earliest years.

 

Sing

Carpenters
Joe Raposo
Gold: Greatest Hits

Karen Carpenter’s voice might be my favorite in all of pop music. This is another one that I remember hearing on the radio as a child. I’ve always enjoyed singing, so I guess it makes sense that this encouragement to do so would stick with me. Though I’m not sure I’m completely behind, “sing of good things, not bad; sing of happy, not sad”. That doesn’t satisfy my need for authenticity, but it loud, strong, simple, lifelong … love all of that. And her voice!

Time In A Bottle

Jim Croce
Jim Croce Compilation

I first heard this song on The Muppet Show, so that’s the version I’ll link here. This song captures that sense of longing for connection that has followed me as long as I can remember. It wawsn’t until years after the muppet show encounter that I realized this was an actual, popular song. I’m glad to have finally met “… the one I want to go through time with” when I met Krista in high school. 

 

High Hill

David Wilcox
Jaimé Morton
Nightshift Watchman

Our family lived in Snyder, Oklahoma when I was in middle school and junior high. The town’s water tower sat atop a pile of granite a few block from our house and you can see it in the top third of the frame in this video from 0:45 to 0:58:

When I hear this David Wilcox song, High Hill, I tell myself the hill he’s singing about and the small town it rises above are more picturesque than this little town of 3,000-ish people surrounded by wheat fields in Southwest Oklahoma. But, the top of this hill with the water tower was one of my favorite places to think and watch the sunset. That’s why this David Wilcox song is on this list: because it reminds me of this high (by Oklahoma standards) hill.

 

Every Breath You Take

The Police
Gordon M. Sumner
Every Breath You Take: The Classics

I know, I know… it’s a creeper song. But it perfectly suited my perpetually-unrequited-love 13-year-old self in 1983. It perfectly captured my melancholy and longing. It was also the beginning of me identifying more with pop/rock/top-40 music than easy listening, opening up my ear to all sorts of new things, including other songs by The Police.

It’s a little harder to enjoy these days, having learned more about the very real threats of stalking and domestic violence. It does do it’s job as a time-machine, though, whisking me back to 1983.

A Million Dreams

Ziv Zaifman, Hugh Jackman & Michelle Williams
Benj Pasek & Justin Paul
The Greatest Showman (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)


Going To Another Place

Mannheim Steamroller
Chip Davis
FreshAire II


Hold It up to the Light

David Wilcox
Big Horizon


Stick to the Status Quo

The Cast of High School Musical

D. Lawrence & Charles F. Greenberg

High School Musical (An Original Walt Disney Soundtrack)


The Logical Song

Supertramp

Roger Hodgson & Rick Davies

Breakfast in America (Deluxe Edition)


Shadows In The Rain

Sting

Sting

The Dream Of The Blue Turtles


Calling Out Your Name

Rich Mullins

Rich Mullins

Songs


Spirits In The Material World

The Police

Gordon M. Sumner

Every Breath You Take: The Classics


Spirit Wind

David Wilcox

David Wilcox

Underneath


Alabaster Jar

Gateway Worship


The First 10 Years Collection


Native Tongue

David Wilcox

David Wilcox

Into The Mystery


You’ve Got a Friend

James Taylor

Carole King

Greatest Hits, Vol. 1


Secret Church

David Wilcox

David Wilcox

Turning Point


The Way I Am

Ingrid Michaelson

Ingrid Michaelson

Girls And Boys


Hard Part

David Wilcox

David Wilcox/John K. Whalen

Vista


We’re All In This Together

The Cast of High School Musical

M. Gerrard & R. Nevil

High School Musical (An Original Walt Disney Soundtrack)


Break In The Cup

David Wilcox

Dave Wilcox

Big Horizon


That’s What The Lonely Is For

David Wilcox

Dave Wilcox

Big Horizon


Phenomenon

Rita Springer

Rita Springer

All I Have


Be

Josh Byrd


Beautiful – DS


Dream

Priscilla Ahn

Priscilla Ahn

A Good Day


Breakable

Ingrid Michaelson

Ingrid Michaelson

Girls And Boys


Chandelier

Sia

Sia Furler & Jesse Shatkin

1000 Forms of Fear (Deluxe Version)


Impact…

David Wilcox

David Wilcox

Live Songs & Stories


Eye Of The Hurricane

David Wilcox

David Wilcox/Eddie Macdonald/Mike Peters

Live Songs & Stories


Silent Prayer

David Wilcox

David Wilcox

Turning Point


Often A Bird

Wim Mertens

Wim Mertens

Platinum Collection [Disc 2]


Great I Am

New Life Worship

Jared Anderson

You Hold It All (Deluxe Version)


Out Of The Question

David Wilcox

David Wilcox

Into The Mystery


Invisible Sun

The Police

Gordon M. Sumner

Every Breath You Take: The Classics

Just Keep Swimming

Marlin, Dory, Moonfish

Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Bobby Lopez

Finding Nemo – The Musical


Let It Go

Idina Menzel


Frozen (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)


Faithful God (Extended Version)

Zach Neese


God and King


This Is Not the End

Gungor


Ghosts Upon the Earth (Deluxe Edition)


Out Beyond Ideas

David Wilcox & Nance Pettit

Jalaludin Rumi

Out Beyond Ideas – Songs For Peace Project


Holy Now

Peter Mayer

Peter Mayer

Million Year Mind


10 Beyond Belief

David Wilcox


Open Hand


Message In A Bottle

The Police

Gordon M. Sumner

Every Breath You Take: The Classics


Thanks for Listening

Chris Thile

Chris Thile & Thomas Bartlett

Thanks for Listening


All I Know So Far

P!nk

Alecia Moore, Benj Pasek & Justin Paul

All I Know So Far: Setlist


The Inside Of My Head

David Wilcox

Unknown

What You Whispered


Breaking Free

Troy & Gabriella Montez

J. Houston

High School Musical (An Original Walt Disney Soundtrack)


This Is Me

Keala Settle & The Greatest Showman Ensemble

Benj Pasek & Justin Paul

The Greatest Showman (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)


From Now On

Hugh Jackman & The Greatest Showman Ensemble

Benj Pasek & Justin Paul

The Greatest Showman (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)


Down Here

David Wilcox

David Wilcox

Underneath


Down In the Hole

James Taylor

James Taylor

New Moon Shine


American Reckoning

Bon Jovi

Jon Bon Jovi

2020


Is Anybody Listening

Zach Neese


God and King


The Next Right Thing

Kristen Bell

Robert Lopez & Kristen Anderson-Lopez

Frozen 2 (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)


01 Dream Again

David Wilcox


Open Hand

We Make the Way By Walking

David Wilcox

David Wilcox

The View From the Edge


How Far I’ll Go

Auli’i Cravalho

Lin-Manuel Miranda

Moana (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) [Deluxe Edition]

When Jesus[a] saw the crowds, he went up the
mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him. Then
he began to speak, and taught them, saying:

 

 

The wide gate

The narrow gate

5:3
 
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
5:4
 
“Blessed are those who
mourn, for they will be comforted.
5:5
 
“Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
5:6
 
“Blessed are those who
hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
5:7
 
“Blessed are the
merciful, for they will receive mercy.
5:8
 
“Blessed are the pure in
heart, for they will see God.
5:9
 
“Blessed are the
peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
5:10
 
10 “Blessed are those who
are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
5:11-12
 
11 “Blessed are you when
people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you
falsely[b] on my account. 12 Rejoice
and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they
persecuted the prophets who were before you.
 
5:13
but if salt has lost its taste,
how can its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is
thrown out and trampled under foot.
13 “You are the salt of the
earth;
 
15 No one after lighting a
lamp puts it under the bushel basket,…
14 “You are the light of
the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. … but on the lampstand,
and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the
same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good
works and give glory to your Father in heaven.
 
5:17-19
17 “Do not think that I
have come to abolish the law or the prophets;…
19 Therefore, whoever breaks[d]one of the least of these
commandments, and teaches others to do the same, will be called least in the
kingdom of heaven;
… I have come not to abolish but
to fulfill. 18 For truly I tell you, until heaven
and earth pass away, not one letter,[c] not one stroke of a letter,
will pass from the law until all is accomplished. … but whoever does
them [these commandments] and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom
of heaven. 
5:20
20 For I tell you, unless
your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never
enter the kingdom of heaven.
 
5:21-24
21 “You have heard that it
was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not murder’; and ‘whoever
murders shall be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I
say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister,[e] you will be liable to judgment;
and if you insult[f] a brother or sister,[g] you will be liable to the
council; and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell[h] of fire. 
23 So when you are offering
your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister[i] has something against
you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar
and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister,[j] and then come and offer your
gift
5:25-26
…or your accuser may hand you
over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into
prison. 26 Truly I tell you, you will never get
out until you have paid the last penny.
25 Come
to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way to court[k] with him,
5:27-28
27 “You have heard that it
was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.”
28 But I say to you that
everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with
her in his heart. 
 
5:29-30
 
29 If your right eye causes
you to sin, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one
of your members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.[l]30 And
if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is
better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to go
into hell.[m]
5:31-32
31 “It was also said,
‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 
32 But I say to you that
anyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, causes her
to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
 
5:33-37
33 “Again, you have heard
that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but
carry out the vows you have made to the Lord.’ 
34 But I say to you, Do not
swear at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35 or
by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of
the great King. 36 And do not swear by your head,
for you cannot make one hair white or black. 37 Let
your word be ‘Yes, Yes’ or ‘No, No’; anything more than this comes from the
evil one.[n]
 
5:38-42
38 “You have heard that it
was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 
39 But I say to you, Do not
resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the
other also; 40 and if anyone wants to sue you and
take your coat, give your cloak as well; 41 and
if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile. 42 Give
to everyone who begs from you, and do not refuse anyone who wants to borrow
from you.
5:43-45
43 “You have heard that it
was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ …

44 But I say to you, Love
your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so
that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise
on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the
unrighteous. 
5:46-48
46 For if you love those
who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the
same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers and
sisters,[o] what more are you doing than
others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 
48 Be perfect, therefore,
as your heavenly Father is perfect.
 
6:1-4
“Beware of practicing your piety before others
in
order to be seen by them; for then you have no reward from your Father in
heaven.
“So whenever you give alms, do not
sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the
streets, so that they may be praised by others. Truly I tell you, they have
received their reward. 
But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know
what your
right hand is doing, 
so that your alms may be done in secret;
and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23287a”
data-link=”[a]”
>[a]
 
6:5-6
“And whenever you pray, do not be
like the
hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the
street corners, so that they may be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they
have received their reward.
But whenever you pray, go into your room
and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father
who sees in secret will reward you.<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23289b”
data-link=”[b]”
>[b]
 
6:7-13
“When you are praying, do not heap up empty phrases as
the
Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard because of their many
words. 
Do not be like them, for your Father knows
what you need before you ask him.
 
“Pray then in this way:
Our Father in
heaven,

hallowed be your
name.

10     Your
kingdom come.

Your will be done,
on earth as it is in
heaven.

11     Give
us this day our daily bread.<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23294c”
data-link=”[c]”
>[c]
12     And
forgive us our debts,
as we also have
forgiven our debtors.

13     And
do not bring us to the time of trial,<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23296d”
data-link=”[d]”
>[d]
but rescue us from
the evil one.<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23296e”
data-link=”[e]”
>[e]
 
6:14-15
15 but if you do not forgive others, neither will your
Father forgive your trespasses.
 
14 For if you forgive others their
trespasses, your
heavenly Father will also forgive you; 
6:16-18
16 “And whenever you fast, do not look dismal, like the
hypocrites,
for they disfigure their faces so as to show others that they are fasting.
Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. 
17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your
face, 
18 so
that your fasting may be seen not by others but by your Father who is in
secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23301f”
data-link=”[f]”
>[f]
 
6:19-21
19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth,
where moth
and rust<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23302g”
data-link=”[g]”
>[g] consume
and where thieves break in and steal; 
20 but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where
neither
moth nor rust<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23303h”
data-link=”[h]”
>[h]consumes and
where thieves do not break in and steal. 
21 For
where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
 
6:22-23
23 but if your eye is unhealthy, your whole body will be
full of
darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!
 
22 “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is
healthy,
your whole body will be full of light; 
6:24
24 “No one can serve two masters; for a
slave will
either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise
the other.
You cannot serve God and wealth.<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23307i”
data-link=”[i]”
>[i]
 
6:25
 
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life,
what you
will eat or what you will drink,<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23308j”
data-link=”[j]”
>[j] or about
your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more
than clothing? 
6:26-27
 
26 Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor
reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not
of more value than they? 
27 And can any of you by worrying add a
single hour to your span of life?<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23310k”
data-link=”[k]”
>[k
6:28-30
 
28 And why do you worry about clothing?
Consider the
lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, 
29 yet I
tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. 30 But
if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow
is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little
faith? 
6:31-33
31 Therefore do not worry, saying,
‘What will we eat?’
or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ 
32 For
it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things;
and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you
need
all these things. 
33 But strive first for the kingdom of God<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23316l”
data-link=”[l]”
>[l] and his<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23316m”
data-link=”[m]”
>[m]righteousness,
and all these things will be given to you as well.
6:34
34 “So do not worry about tomorrow, for
tomorrow will
bring worries of its own.
Today’s trouble is enough for today.
7:1-2
“Do not judge, so that you may not be
judged. 
For with the judgment you make you
will be judged,
and the measure you give will be the measure you get. 
7:3-5
Why do you see the speck in your
neighbor’s<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23320a”
data-link=”[a]”
>[a]eye, but do
not notice the log in your own eye? 
Or how can you say to your neighbor,<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23321b”
data-link=”[b]”
>[b] ‘Let me
take the speck out of your eye,’ while the log is in your own eye? You
hypocrite,
first take the log out of your own eye, and
then you
will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23322c”
data-link=”[c]”
>[c]eye.
7:6
“Do not give what is holy to dogs; and do not throw your
pearls
before swine, or they will trample them under foot and turn and maul you.
 
7:7-8
 
“Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will
find;
knock, and the door will be opened for you. 
For
everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone
who knocks, the door will be opened. 
7:9-11
Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for
bread,
will give a stone? 
10 Or if the child asks for a fish, will give
a snake? 
11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts
to your
children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those
who ask him!
7:12
 
12 “In everything do to others as you would have them do
to you;
for this is the law and the prophets.
7:13-14
13 “Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide
and the
road is easy<sup
style=”box-sizing: border-box;”
data-fn=”#fen-NRSV-23330d”
data-link=”[d]”
>[d] that
leads to destruction, and there are many who take it. 
14 For the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads
to life,
and there are few who find it.
7:15-18
15 “Beware of false prophets, who come
to you in
sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 
16 You
will know them by their fruits.
Are grapes gathered from thorns, or figs from
thistles? 
17 In the same way, every good tree bears
good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A
good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 
7:19-20
19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down
and thrown
into the fire. 
20 Thus you will know them by their fruits.
7:21
21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord,
Lord,’ will
enter the kingdom of heaven,
but only the one who does the will of my Father in
heaven. 
7:22-23
22 On that day many will say to me,
‘Lord, Lord, did we
not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many
deeds of power in your name?’ 
23 Then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew
you; go away from me, you evildoers.’
 
7:24-27
26 And everyone who hears these words
of mine and does
not act on them will be like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 
27 The
rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that
house, and it fell—and great was its fall!”
24 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and acts
on them
will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. 
25 The
rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it
did not fall, because it had been founded on rock. 
 
28 Now when Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were
astounded at his teaching, 
29 for he taught them as one having authority,
and not as their scribes.
 
 

It is time to lament and repent, church. We have inherited a nation founded in violence, sustained by violence, entertained by violence, and, if we don’t change our ways, one that will die a self-destructive death in violence.

I know you didn’t show up on the Mayflower and lay claim to land that wasn’t yours to claim. I know you didn’t execute the rightful holders of that land or chase them across the country until they were scattered, exhausted, or dead. I know you didn’t kidnap people in Africa and force them to build your empire. I know you’re not the economic bully that pillaged the natural resources of lands far and near, or pummeled them with bombs so that the people from there had no choice but to flee if they wanted to thrive.

I know you didn’t do any of that stuff and neither did I. But we are all living in the world created by those actions. If you’re like me, a white, middle-aged, American man, that’s a world of relative opportunity and ease and benefit. But, at least right now, it’s at the expense of everyone who is different. It doesn’t have to be.

The question for us is not whether we committed all the evil that led us here. No, the question for us is whether we’re going to pass it all on to those coming after us? I am not. A wise friend once said, “From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more.” (Luke 12:48 NASB) So I’ll use what I’ve been given, my voice, my education, my income, my privilege, to do everything I can to keep from propagating this evil forward. I’m inviting you to join me.

Let’s confess all of this evil for what it is: corporate sin. Let’s listen to those who have been the victims of this sin and join with them in lamenting the pain, destruction, and death it brought to them. Let’s repent by changing our individual and collective attitudes and behavior toward those who are different from us.

Jesus said he came to:

Bring good news to the poor,
Proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind,
To set free the oppressed,
To proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.

If we’re following Jesus, that’s what we’ll be about, too.

It’s time to lament and repent, church.

How many days do we have left? No one knows. Well, no one knows until the last one ends, but by then it’s too late to matter. A while back, I got to thinking about this and decided to make a guess of how many days I might have left.

So I looked up the average lifespan of an average caucasian man in the US (79.12 years, it seems) and add that many days to by birthday. So as I’m writing this, I’ve lived 17,537 days and if my lifespan hits the average exactly, I’ll live 11,364 more. Of course, none of those are guaranteed, and who’s to say I won’t live to be 100! So it’s not an exact science, guessing how many days you have left. For that matter, it’s not really a science at all! But it is a worthwhile thought experiment, and seems suitable for the weekend of my 48th birthday.

There is a bit of tension in these 11,364 days left. On the one hand, I’m past the half-way point in an average lifespan. There are fewer days ahead than behind (unless I live to be 96). When I consider it this way, I’m inclined to panic. I say to myself, “you better hurry up and get the things done! the clock is ticking!!!” And yet, on the other hand, I know that whenever I’m in a hurry and in my most “getting the things done” frame of mind, I tend to miss the most important things, rush through the most important conversations, overlook the most important people. In fact, when I’m hurried and driven, I’m usually not at my best. I’m not fully present to the people I encounter.
Maybe the path of wisdom is to say to myself, “you better slow down and be present in each and every moment! the clock is ticking and once each tick passes, you’ll never get it back.” I suspect the sweet spot is in the tension, that combination of focus and presence that gets the things done without completely losing sight of the experience of doing them. 
I’ll have to sit with that a while and let it sink in, but later. Right now, I have a few more things to do.
Old Bailey and Lady Justice

Old Bailey and Lady Justice


I received a summons from Tarrant County last month to appear for jury duty.  Last Friday was the time appointed for my appearance.  I was juror number 48 of 60 called for a trial for which 12 of us would be selected.  So the likelihood of me serving was actually pretty slim.  Mostly it just ate up a Friday afternoon and the following Monday afternoon while that reality worked itself out.

One thing I realized through the experience is that our society demands very little of its citizens.  I couldn’t think of any other civic duty which is required of all citizens.  I suppose paying taxes could be viewed as a civic duty, but it is mostly a passive activity since the payments normally take place through payroll deductions.

So death and taxes aside, is there anything else we require of one another as US citizens?  Krista pointed out that we were required to go to school as children, but that seems less like a civic duty than a benefit.  We receive an education from our participation in school, so while it requires our time, effort, and attendance, the activity is ultimately to our benefit.  The benefit to society from this activity is clear, but no action is actually required.

We’re not required to vote.  We’re not required to serve in any kind of public service.  We’re not required to serve in any kind of public office.  We’re not required to serve in the military.  So all I have to do is pay my taxes and show up for jury duty and it’s all good.

Only it’s not all good.  When I hear the lofty description of our government “of, by and for the people,” It seems as though it should require more of us than paying taxes and showing up for jury duty.  With this as my background for the week, Gavin Newsom‘s new book Citizenville caught my attention as the beginning of a conversation to engage people with governing through technology.  I’m feeling hopeful about the possibilities.